Out and about with The Ed... Part 2
November 1999
Rain, rain, rain... again, again, again... not that I'm complaining, of course.
Today's second excursion took me to Motherwell and the flamin' bus was mobbed. Isn't it crap when you get on a busy bus and the last seat remaining is next to some 'guy' who really needed the whole thing to himself?
So there I was, perched precariously on the edge, white knuckle riding every bend and turn and does it not happen to be one of those mad 'flatten a road mole' drivers - you know the ones...(By the way number 10, that there VW Beetle of yours is really WILD! Does it actually go anywhere or is it just a driveway ornament?)
McDonalds looked quiet for once and the thought of a McChicken sandwich was too much. Problem was, I got the giggles again as my mind strayed to partying (don't know why, ask Ewan). Wouldn't it be funny to rally round a few friends in big macs (raincoats), invade McDonalds and then all sit outside in the pouring rain like the sun was splitting the trees? Bet that would draw a bit of attention - especially if Jordan wore his tractors, Harry his badger bunnet and Jellykatt with her psychadelic brollie! Derum, you could just sit in the middle of the puddles and feel at home and Debs, get some of those wacky silver balloons! I'll bring streamers and party hats for those that don't already have their own head gear...Jim, turn up your hearing aid, I said 'RAIN' and 'HEAD GEAR' not reindeer! Put Rudolph back where you found him plese.
OK, eventually reached Motherwell and something there reminded me of Pat 'n' Eddie (yes, another one). What was it again? Oh, yes! The ticket inspector! Just reminded me of the kind of stunt they would pull off just to hitch a free ride into town! Dressed in black, head to foot, and wearing library cards pinned to their lapels.. they would step on the bus and one would shout, "tickets please" whilst the other would proceed to collect the driver's details. (Only if he was cute, so I believe.) Next time someone says 'tickets please' to you, ask them if they are from NYK. When they ask who, what or why, just reply with, 'Now You Know!'
Homeward bound (sounds a bit 'Disney' that, made me feel like a Golden Retriever!) and the driver must be distracted by something, either that or buses have automatic pilot now (no, it wasn't a self inflating plastic driver) but this guy never looked the road he was on. Got me quite concerned it did and at one stage I actually questioned his level of concentration! In my best possible 'I'm being funny, but...' tone of voice, I expressed my desire for him to watch the damned road. To this, he replied... 'Aye, yer awright pal, a ken am aff the road when there's nae mare bumps!' I just had to congratulate him for that because I couldn't agree more.. it is North Lanarkshire afterall!
The meeting I attended - what the heck was that all about again? You know, I've clean forgotten every word that was discussed. Oh well, couldn't have been that important and there's meetings nearly every flamin' day o' the week.
Reality check - watch out folks, The Ed is back and ready to start cutting and pasting...and yelling... McDaaaaaaaaaaade... you missed the meeting!
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